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1997-04-16
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The gems in this issue were forwarded to me by
Gene Spafford <spaf@cs.purdue.edu>
----------------------------------------------------
Originally-from: Andy Koenig @ Bell Labs
They just sent out announcements for the conference on massively
parallel systems.
I got 600 of them.
----------------------------------------------------
Congratulations are in order for Tom Reid.
He says he just found out he is the winner of the 1994 Psychic of the
Year award.
----------------------------------------------------
Date: Sat, 13 Oct 90 09:07:18 -0400
From: RIch Epstein <@VM.CC.PURDUE.EDU:REPSTEIN@GWUVM>
To: Spaf for Yucks <spaf>
Subject: Stealth Semantics
A political cartoon in the Washinton Post showed a confused
driver passing a large campaign billboard which read:
--------------------------------------------
| T H R O W T H E B U M S O U T ! |
| Re-elect Congressman Rottweiler! |
--------------------------------------------
|| ||
|| ||
- Rich Epstein, inside the Beltway, but
I wish I weren't
----------------------------------------------------
Representative Tim Moore sponsored a resolution in the Texas House of
Representatives in Austin, Texas calling on the House to commend
Albert de Salvo for his unselfish service to "his country, his state
and his community."
The resolution stated that "this compassionate gentleman's
dedication and devotion to his work has enabled the weak and the
lonely throughout the nation to achieve and maintain a new degree of
concern for their future. He has been officially recognized by the
state of Massachusetts for his noted activities and unconventional
techniques involving population control and applied psychology."
The resolutiobn was passed unanimously.
Representative Moore then revealed that he had only tabled the
motion to show how the legislature passes bills and resolutions often
without reading them or understanding what they say. Albert de Salvo
was the Boston Strangler.
----------------------------------------------------
From LAGLENN@UNCVX1.BITNET:
As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly
useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
1. I salivate at the sight of mittens.
2. If I go into the street, I'm apt to be bitten by a horse.
3. Some people never look at me.
4. Spinach makes me feel alone.
5. My sex life is A-okay.
6. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
7. I like to kill mosquitoes.
8. Cousins are not to be trusted.
9. It makes me embarrassed to fall down.
10. I get nauseous from too much roller skating.
11. I think most people would cry to gain a point.
12. I cannot read or write.
13. I am bored by thoughts of death.
14. I become homicidal when people try to reason with me.
15. I would enjoy the work of a chicken flicker.
16. I am never startled by a fish.
17. My mother's uncle was a good man.
18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten.
19. People who break the law are wise guys.
20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
21. I think beavers work too hard.
22. I use shoe polish to excess.
23. God is love.
24. I like mannish children.
25. I have always been diturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
26. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
27. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
28. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
29. I believe I smell as good as most people.
30. Frantic screams make me nervous.
31. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room
full of mice.
32. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
33. A wide necktie is a sign of disease.
34. As a child I was deprived of licorice.
35. I would never shake hands with a gardener.
36. My eyes are always cold.
This is "The North Dakota Null Hyupothesis Brain Inventory" by
Art Buchwald.
The author lost the answer key, but if any of you out there have
really good insights into your personality as a result of this test,
it's time to be committed.
----------------------------------------------------
From: JMGREULICH@miavx1.UUCP (JEFF GREULICH)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: I was going how fast???
Message-ID: <S1a7.20ba@looking.on.ca>
Date: 14 Oct 90 10:30:04 GMT
The following message was written by a couple of guys at the University of
Dayton. Unfortunately, they don't have access to News. But it would be a
pity if this wasn't shared with with world. (their permission was given, of
course)
-------------------------------------
Recently I have been pestered with a series of deeply scientific
questions...All evolving out of the age old question.....
If you're driving at the speed of Light and you turn your headlights
on..What happens?
These were quickly followed by
If you're driving at the speed of light and...